You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think people are normalizing furries
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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