4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
