Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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