I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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