i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
