Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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