Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
