Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
