I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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