and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
