the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
