Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
