Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
