so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
