I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
