it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
