Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
