update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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