I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
