I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
