Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
