I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
