Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
