mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
