And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
