the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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