I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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