Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
