Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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