.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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