Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
