I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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