You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
