If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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