You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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