He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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