we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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