Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
