I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize