Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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