So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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