By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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