Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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