I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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