trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
