I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
