yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
