really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize