so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
