Cold hands, warm shart.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
