i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am available for nakedness
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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