you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
