The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How's work?
Spinning.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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