Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
