I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize