The maid of honor just puked.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
