when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
