So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
