Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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