i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
