I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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