Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
