I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
