I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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