the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
